Do’s and Don’ts in Love

Posted on January 31, 2012 by Gina

Love

In AD 269 the Roman priest Valentine was martyred during the reign of Claudius II. He was arrested and imprisoned simply because he was caught marrying Christian couples, which was considered a crime at the time. Claudius actually took a liking to his prisoner – until Valentine tried to convert the Emperor and he was condemned to death. Although our hero was beheaded, Saint Valentine set a standard for the importance of lovers being together and joining their lives in mutual respect and passion.

As a couples counselor, I witness daily how individuals become lazy in love. At the start of their relationship they probably made a real effort. Once upon a time he sent her flowers at work, she wrote him long romantic emails, they talked on the phone until late at night, she gladly sat through the football games and he endured romantic comedies. When they started dating he planned exciting outings and she cooked him dinner by candlelight and served him breakfast in bed. Well, what happened?

As a relationship becomes more comfortable and familiar individuals can forget to make the effort needed. Motivation drops when the hunt is over, and the “happily ever after” appears to be locked in. Unhealthy patterns can replace the compassion and romance that once dominated a couple’s time together. Without knowing it, men and women stop prioritizing their special person and start taking him or her for granted. That is when a relationship will likely suffer and passion will grow cold.

It’s never too late to turn things around. Stop neglecting your partner and start doing things that foster a strong, healthy, loving relationship. Here is a list of tips that have helped others remember the basic Do’s and Don’ts of Love.

Do walk hand-in-hand together

Don’t walk one in front of the other

 

Do meet and greet each other with a hug every time you get home

Don’t give the dog attention first

 

Do have conversations over dinner sharing the day’s highlights

Don’t watch the news during your meal

 

Do be flexible and compromise

Don’t pout if you don’t get your way

 

Do kiss good-bye every time you part

Don’t yell “I’m leaving now, see you later”

 

Do be supportive of each other’s goals and dreams

Don’t be judgmental or cynical

 

Do sit together on the coach to watch a show or movie

Don’t watch TV in bed

 

Do love, honor and respect

Don’t undermine, degrade or tease

 

Do talk with one another over breakfast

Don’t read the newspaper during the meal

 

Do schedule time for foreplay

Don’t leave lovemaking until just before falling asleep

 

Do ask for what you need

Don’t try to mind-read or assume your partner can mind-read

 

Do accept your partner for his or her uniqueness

Don’t try to change your partner

 

Do have fun together

Don’t act your age

 

Do enjoy each other thoroughly during love making

Don’t rush through sex or do it the same way every time

 

Do surprise your partner occasionally

Don’t be boring and predictable in the way you show love

 

Do plan ahead for birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day

Don’t buy gifts at the last minute

 

Do be quick to forgive

Don’t hold grudges

 

Do lavish with “I love yous”

Don’t hold back words of affirmation

Creating a loving, long-term relationship is a time-consuming, challenging endeavor that you will face your entire life. But it is also the most rewarding aspect of truly living!

Gina Guddat

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A New Way to Look at New Year’s Resolutions

Posted on January 16, 2012 by Gina

As a personal trainer and aerobic instructor I can speak from experience. Every health club and gym, every yoga studio and Cross Fit location will be packed to the brim the week after New Year’s. Commercials will feature weight loss plans, diet drinks and new exercise equipment promising to carve off inches and burn off fat. Magazines will run thousands of advertisements for protein shakes and diet bars claiming to add energy and years to your life while peeling off the pounds that Americans gain between Thanksgiving and New Years. It is a predictable cycle of marketing because it is a predictable state that people find themselves in each and every January.

I believe that we are all a complex blend of the physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual. Each component affects the others, be it positively or negatively. So in 2012, consider a new approach to setting goals. Create resolutions that are more holistic in nature and encompass more than just a weight loss goal.

Now, I am not suggesting you throw exercise and nutritious eating out the window. But, consider adding other healthy goals to your list like taking your vitamins each day, flossing your teeth, scheduling an annual physical exam and sleeping at least 7 hours a night. Is there a test or procedure you have been putting off? Have you wanted to have orthotics made for your shoes? Is it time for a new mattress? We can be neglectful and abusive to our bodies. This year, listen to your body and care for it in a loving way.

Every day in my counseling practice I see examples of how our emotional health impacts our physical bodies. People who are depressed tend to be lethargic and suffer from low energy. Their emotional state may cause them to crave comfort foods, overindulge and eventually gain weight. People who have anxiety and a tendency to worry too much can get stress headaches, stomachaches and hives. They may also have trouble sleeping, which can affect their overall physical health. It’s not too late to think about how you will take care of your emotional self this year. Taking time to spend with supportive friends, journaling, finding creative outlets, volunteering, locating a good therapist and learning to meditate or pray all foster good emotional health, which generally leads to better physical health as well.

Furthermore, we can be proactive about our financial health. In today’s economy every penny counts. Is there debt you would like to pay off? Is it time to downsize? Is there a much needed vacation you would like to save for? Write it down and break it into small quarterly goals. Having healthy finances relieves stress and creates peace of mind.

The mistake many Americans have made is focusing too much on weight loss goals each January, and forgetting all the other aspects of being healthy and happy. Educational pursuits, family bonding time, spiritual growth or a new career path can all be included in a well-rounded goal plan. It is important to have a vision for the future, but still remain flexible and resilient. Instead of having a narrow scope, create a wider spectrum of dreams and goals in all areas of living. You might not achieve all of your New Year’s Resolutions. But, with a long list, there is a great chance you will meet many of them and celebrate success on December 31st, 2012!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Would You Marry You ?

Posted on September 18, 2011 by Gina

Are you a person that someone would want to spend the rest of their life with? Are you somebody that another could tolerate day in and day out? If you are in a season where you are looking for the perfect Mr. or Ms. Right, remember that perfection runs two ways. Nobody can give us what we don’t already have. Our partner can not be to us what we are not already.  Each person is responsible for their own happiness. We must find our passion, our purpose and our fulfillment within ourselves.  If you are not living to your capabilities and giving your all, why would you pawn yourself off to someone else?  It is a mistake to think that another person will complete us. You must never go into a relationship as half of a person.  This is a recipe for disaster, and divorce. Take the time to work on self-love, self-confidence and self esteem before you begin interviewing for a partner. When you truly feel a peace about who and what you are…then the perfect someone will walk right through your door.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hope and Faith

Posted on August 8, 2011 by Gina

Hope and Faith

Hope is what we have when we can’t clearly grasp what the future holds. It’s not necessarily all we have, but it is the spiritual component that has a great deal of power. In fact, it is hope that has maintained prisoners of war,  helped victims survive torture and refugees starvation. It is hope that keeps a woman believing in her distressed marriage and parents praying for their wayward children. It is hope that keeps our country alive during this economic crisis. Without hope there would be no reason to continue when things look bleak.

But how long can hope last? Can one continue to hope without signs of a better tomorrow? Without a light at the end of the tunnel or a hint of change, can a person remain hopeful? There is an old Scripture that says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Proverbs 13:12). This sickness happens when we have been hoping for a very long time without even a small sign that what we wish for will come true. For some people the sickness appears in the form of anxiety or depression; for others it may be headaches, hives, nausea, body aches or extreme fatigue. This is the body’s manifestation of the heart giving up hope.

Because we are only human, there is a limit to our hope, but there is never a limit to our faith. Although we are sometimes hopeless, we can continue to have faith that somehow the God of this universe is still in control and works everything together for good…even though to us, it might feel unfathomable.

Call upon your faith today!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Investing in your Relationships

Posted on July 7, 2011 by Gina

People that invest money are always hoping to glean a profit. Their goal is to develop more than what they started with and increase their resources. Unfortunately, all we seem to hear about today are investments that have gone bad. For instance, owning your own house used to be an investment, but now many American homeowners are upside down on their mortgages. Investing in the company that you worked for was always a given. Now, many businesses have folded, employees have been laid off and retirement plans have disappeared right along with them. How can we know what to invest in when the economy is so unstable and unsure? Where should we put our time and treasure?

Investing in people will yield the largest profit possible. When we invest in people, our resources are multiplied many times more than in the stock market. People offer ideas, comfort, companionship, friendship, help and hope. What two people can accomplish is more than double what can be accomplished by one. Innovative ideas that develop from a group brainstorm session far exceed the value of any investment portfolio. The comfort and support derived from family, friends and neighbors in times of need far out yields any money market fund.

So, when you are not sure how to spend your money, your time and talent, consider investing in your relationships – something we can all count on to provide blessings beyond our expectations.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Guilt-Free Living

Posted on June 4, 2011 by Gina

How many times have you felt guilty about something you have done, or did not do? Most of us have experienced more guilt and self-condemnation than we want to admit. Sometimes friends and family members impose a bit of guilt and shame on us. Perhaps we missed a family function, forgot an important birthday or did not measure up to someone’s expectations. We might just hear about how we fell short, either directly from the injured party or through the grapevine. The subconscious purpose is to make us feel as terrible about ourselves (as they supposedly feel) due to our mistake. Ironically, it’s generally not needed because most of us feel badly already without being reminded of our shortcomings.

Although there are times when a guilty conscience is due to a specific issue, many times guilt is unfounded and comes from a learned pattern within. Have you ever made a decision or a choice out of guilt? Do you say yes, committing to do things that you really don’t want to do? Do you beat yourself up about something you said…or even ate? Do you waste time and energy worrying about what others might think of you? These are unhealthy patterns of thinking that you have acquired over many years. You may have witnessed your parents, friends, church members or other relatives acting the same way. Guilt can become something that rules your life and your emotions.

Whatever the cause of our guilty obsession, it’s good to know we have the ability to change. It is time to stop being controlled by feelings of guilt and start being true to YOU! While your goal is never to live life harming people, it is also not to allow guilt and shame to drive your daily agenda. Stop wasting brain space and emotional energy. Begin Guilt-Free Living today!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Stress Busters

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Gina

Most days come with some amount of stress. In order to live a balanced and healthy life we must learn to better manage our stress and take care of ourselves emotionally. We make sure that our family is cared for, our pets are fed, our house is kept up, our yard is maintained and our work is accomplished, but we fail to monitor our own well-being. Start to be your own best friend. Nurture and care for your emotional self every day. Just as you have developed a pattern of brushing your teeth and eating everyday, begin developing a pattern of self care. The fact is, you will be much more relaxed, satisfied, peaceful and productive when you do! Here are some ideas of how to reduce stress and increase overall well-being.

  1. Listen to relaxing music
  2. Light candles with sweet smells (vanilla, caramel, cinnamon)
  3. Enjoy one of your favorite comfort foods (mine is macaroni and cheese)
  4. Journal your thoughts and feelings
  5. Take a bubble bath
  6. Watch a funny movie
  7. Call a friend
  8. Do some art (coloring, crafts, collage)
  9. Rearrange your room
  10. Give yourself a bouquet of flowers
  11. Take a brisk walk
  12. Pray or meditate
  13. Read one of your favorite books
  14. Find a pet to hold
  15. Breathe deep

Do not let a day go by without taking time for you!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Women on the Verge

Posted on April 14, 2011 by Gina

There is no doubt that life is stressful, now more than ever. The failing economy has caused many to lose their jobs, their homes and even their hope. We are living in volatile times. Even Mother Nature continues to throw us curve balls with earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes and deep freezes. Whether you are a new mother or a seasoned grandmother, it’s likely you have days when the stress of life can seem like too much to handle. Here is a quick list of symptoms that might mean you are a “Woman on the Verge” who may need some extra help.

  1. Short tempered or often irritable
  2. Skipping meals
  3. Turning to alcohol to relax
  4. No longer excited to see or spend time with your partner
  5. Sleeping less than 5 hours or more than 9 hours a day
  6. Isolating from friends and family
  7. No longer excited to do the things you used to enjoy
  8. Unable to focus at work or at home
  9. No longer thankful for or appreciative of what you have
  10. Rather escape with friends than fulfill responsibilities
  11. Trouble getting out of bed in the morning
  12. No motivation to do house chores or run errands
  13. Eating for comfort when you are not hungry
  14. Excessive TV time
  15. Feeling that there is no solution or no hope

Rich, poor, employed, or unemployed, sick or healthy, everyone experiences stressful times. We have all had hard days, bad weeks, difficult months and outright terrible seasons in our lives. And, we ALL need help at times. Chances are there are people in your life that need you, depend on you, and love you. In order to take care of them you must first take care of YOU! Because…You Matter!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Bond Baby Bond

Posted on March 27, 2011 by Gina

Previously, I have written about Dopamine, “The Love Drug” that draws a couple together in heated lust and passion. The only problem with this chemical is that it is fairly short-lived. Yes, it feels wonderful at the time, but if we were to have this chemical running through our brains and veins every day we would not be able to sleep, eat regularly, or focus on anything productive. It literally wears our bodies out.

The brain neurotransmitter that takes over for Dopamine in a long-term relationship is Oxytocin. This is the major bonding chemical. Oxytocin is all about attachment, nurture, love and romance. It increases empathy and builds trust. Oxytocin actually lowers blood pressure, reduces stress and promotes a feeling of safety and security. It is the chemical that not only bonds couples together but also bonds parents to their children. Although it is found in both sexes, it is more prevalent in women.

Vasopressin on the other hand is the bonding chemical that is more predominant in males. It manifests as protector of the turf, provider for the family and the gallant defender of what is “his.” This chemical is the one that tends to produce monogamy, loyalty and commitment. Research now shows that the wide range in Vasopressin receptor genes, may account for the differences in male faithfulness. Like the broad spectrum from total polygamy to total monogamy, the Vasopressin gene also comes in a variety of lengths – at least seventeen lengths to be specific. Men with the longest genes are shown to be the most reliable and trustworthy partners. This is a case in which length really does matter.

Every man and woman has a slightly different mixture of brain chemicals. Generally, women bond easier and more quickly than men, but not always. Like hormones, these neurotransmitters fluctuate depending on our age, stress level and relationship content. There are times and seasons in your life when you will feel closer to your partner than other times.

The good news is that we know how to increase one of the bonding chemicals. Oxytocin can be boosted in both sexes by increasing certain behaviors. If you are interested in developing intimacy and closeness in your relationship, there are specific things you can do. Below is a list of activities that you and your partner can think about adding to your regular routine to keep you happily bonded.

  1. Hug and hold (for at least 7 seconds) every day
  2. Look into each other’s eyes when you communicate
  3. Sit next to each other with your legs touching
  4. Hold hands as often as possible
  5. Put your arm around each other when you are standing or sitting
  6. Smile at each other
  7. Spoon in bed naked
  8. Massage each other’s feet, neck and shoulder
  9. Kiss
  10. Make Love!
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Love Drug

Posted on February 9, 2011 by Gina

The Love Drug

Besides the catchy tune, there is a good reason why Kesha’s song “Your Love is My Drug” stayed at the top of the chart for weeks on end. Most of us, at one time or another, have experienced the excitement of being “in love.”

It’s a total mind and body transformation.Your brain space is filled with thoughts of the other person morning, noon and night…to the point of being obsessed. People can stay up all night talking on the phone, e-mailing and texting. Suddenly food and sleep become secondary forms of sustenance. Your career can even suffer, as focusing on work is no longer a priority. Logic goes out the window and judgment begins to get a little hazy. The new lover can do no wrong. Hundreds of years ago, the term “madly in love” was coined. It’s no wonder why.

The crazy behavior people exhibit when they are in love is because of the brain chemical called Dopamine. In fact, individuals who suffer from schizophrenia generally show an over-abundance of Dopamine in their brain. Even OCD is linked with excessive levels of this chemical. That is because Dopamine tends to suppress our normal ability to control impulsiveness and ruminating thoughts.

The “love drug” is so amazing that people want more. If seeing each other feels great two times a week, why not five days a week? Let’s just move in together tomorrow so we can see each other every minute! It is easily addicting. In fact, Dopamine works in the same way that heroin and cocaine work in the brain. Lovers are usually looking and planning for their next fix. Couples are no longer recognizable to their friends or family. In fact, they often times disappear from social events and commitments, claiming they are just too busy…too busy spending time with their new “crush.”

Unfortunately the “love drug” is short lived. Having a crush feels wonderful, but the body can’t handle being in that state all the time. Most people lose weight for instance when they are first involved in a new relationship. Dopamine boosts metabolism so much that eventually the body would fizzle out from running at high speed for too long. It was designed to attract and draw a couple together, but that’s it. So, expect Dopamine production to taper off dramatically at some point.This is when you see things more clearly.

When you’re basking in the thrill and excitement of a new relationship, try not to dismiss your logical brain all together. People look so perfect in the light of Dopamine that it can be difficult to see the shadows of reality. Couples that make long-term commitments during this stage of a relationship may be disappointed later on. Always try to keep good friends and family in your immediate circle. Trust them to tell you the truth. They are not under the influence of this “love drug” and may be helpful in preventing hurt… or worse…a broken heart.

YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUG – Kesha

Maybe I need some rehab,
Or maybe just need some sleep
I’ve got a sick obsession,
I’m seeing it in my dreams
I’m looking down every alley,
I’m making those desperate calls
I’m staying up all night hoping,
Hit my head against the walls

What you’ve got boy is hard to find
Think about it all about it all the time
I’m all strung up my heart is fried
I just can’t get you off my mind

Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love
I said your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love

Won’t listen to any advice, mamma’s telling me to think twice
But left to my own devices I’m addicted it’s a crisis!
My friends think I’ve gone crazy, my judgment is getting kinda hazy
My status is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head

What you’ve got boy is hard to find
Think about it all about it all the time
I’m all strung up my heart is fried
I just can’t get you off my mind

Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love
I said your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love

I don’t care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you’re with me
But crash and crave you when you are away

Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love
I said your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love

View “Your Love is My Drug” on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QR_qa3Ohwls

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments