The Love Drug

Posted on February 9, 2011 by Gina

The Love Drug

Besides the catchy tune, there is a good reason why Kesha’s song “Your Love is My Drug” stayed at the top of the chart for weeks on end. Most of us, at one time or another, have experienced the excitement of being “in love.”

It’s a total mind and body transformation.Your brain space is filled with thoughts of the other person morning, noon and night…to the point of being obsessed. People can stay up all night talking on the phone, e-mailing and texting. Suddenly food and sleep become secondary forms of sustenance. Your career can even suffer, as focusing on work is no longer a priority. Logic goes out the window and judgment begins to get a little hazy. The new lover can do no wrong. Hundreds of years ago, the term “madly in love” was coined. It’s no wonder why.

The crazy behavior people exhibit when they are in love is because of the brain chemical called Dopamine. In fact, individuals who suffer from schizophrenia generally show an over-abundance of Dopamine in their brain. Even OCD is linked with excessive levels of this chemical. That is because Dopamine tends to suppress our normal ability to control impulsiveness and ruminating thoughts.

The “love drug” is so amazing that people want more. If seeing each other feels great two times a week, why not five days a week? Let’s just move in together tomorrow so we can see each other every minute! It is easily addicting. In fact, Dopamine works in the same way that heroin and cocaine work in the brain. Lovers are usually looking and planning for their next fix. Couples are no longer recognizable to their friends or family. In fact, they often times disappear from social events and commitments, claiming they are just too busy…too busy spending time with their new “crush.”

Unfortunately the “love drug” is short lived. Having a crush feels wonderful, but the body can’t handle being in that state all the time. Most people lose weight for instance when they are first involved in a new relationship. Dopamine boosts metabolism so much that eventually the body would fizzle out from running at high speed for too long. It was designed to attract and draw a couple together, but that’s it. So, expect Dopamine production to taper off dramatically at some point.This is when you see things more clearly.

When you’re basking in the thrill and excitement of a new relationship, try not to dismiss your logical brain all together. People look so perfect in the light of Dopamine that it can be difficult to see the shadows of reality. Couples that make long-term commitments during this stage of a relationship may be disappointed later on. Always try to keep good friends and family in your immediate circle. Trust them to tell you the truth. They are not under the influence of this “love drug” and may be helpful in preventing hurt… or worse…a broken heart.

YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUG – Kesha

Maybe I need some rehab,
Or maybe just need some sleep
I’ve got a sick obsession,
I’m seeing it in my dreams
I’m looking down every alley,
I’m making those desperate calls
I’m staying up all night hoping,
Hit my head against the walls

What you’ve got boy is hard to find
Think about it all about it all the time
I’m all strung up my heart is fried
I just can’t get you off my mind

Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love
I said your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love

Won’t listen to any advice, mamma’s telling me to think twice
But left to my own devices I’m addicted it’s a crisis!
My friends think I’ve gone crazy, my judgment is getting kinda hazy
My status is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head

What you’ve got boy is hard to find
Think about it all about it all the time
I’m all strung up my heart is fried
I just can’t get you off my mind

Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love
I said your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love

I don’t care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you’re with me
But crash and crave you when you are away

Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love
I said your love, your love, your love, is my drug
Your love your love your love

View “Your Love is My Drug” on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QR_qa3Ohwls

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The 14 Day Count Down to Valentines – Just for the Men

Posted on February 1, 2011 by Gina

OK guys, the reality is that Valentine’s Day is probably more important to her than you; it’s just the way most women are.  Whether you’ve been married for a long time, have a steady girlfriend or are in a budding relationship, there are certain important do’s and don’ts for Valentine’s Day.    Here’s some food for thought that is sure to have both of you smiling by the end of the night!

  1. Pick out your card now, before all the good ones are gone. Bonus points for sending an e-card in addition to the hard copy, extra bonus for writing your own poetic version. P.S. – no silly singing cards- Valentine’s Day is not a good holiday for jokes.

2.       Plan ahead –reservations at nice restaurants go fast! Make sure you know her dietary habits… nothing will turn her off more than taking her to a steak restaurant if she’s a vegetarian, even if you love red meat.  This is her night, so take her likes into consideration.

3.       Want to really impress her?  Plan a romantic 4-course dinner at home.  Women love a guy who can cook and not just order pizza or Chinese for delivery.

4.       Light the night.  Take a trip to Pier One or another home décor store for some really nice candles.  Research shows that scents like vanilla, caramel and cinnamon relax the body and help your partner get “in the mood”.

5.       Find out what your honey’s favorite flower is – it’s okay to ask her best girlfriend if you don’t already know. Roses are too predictable and boring – score extra points by sending the bouquet to her work.

6.       Put together a playlist of romantic tunes.  The right background music is a great mood enhancer!

7.       Invest in a small box of quality chocolates. Nothing against drug store or supermarket candy, but a few great melt-in-your-mouth truffles beat the mega box of waxy chocolate any day

8.       Take a trip to the fragrance counter with your partner and pick out a new smell for each other.

9.       If you’re already intimate, take your lover out the week before and purchase some sexy lingerie or silk nightie together. Better that she picks out something that she is comfortable in than you having to figure out if her body size is really “just about like the sales girl”.

10.   If you’re driving or planning on taking her back to your place, make sure your car is clean and the house is picked up. Women notice details and most find it hard to relax when they are surrounded with junk and clutter. Make the night stress free by planning ahead so the whole experience is enjoyable.

11.   Stay focused on your sweetheart.  Unless she’s as much of a diehard fan as you are, don’t turn the game on.  And shut your phone off.  Nothing will turn her off more than you discussing your next business deal or picking up a call from your mother.

12.   Limit the alcohol on Cupid’s Day. Red wine is certainly romantic, but more than two glasses puts a damper on the evening and possibly the next morning. Keep your passion alive and drink moderately.

13.   For women, Valentine’s Day is about the whole experience.  Enjoying each other’s company, good communication and loving attention makes the night truly fulfilling. If you happen to end up in bed for a passionate romp, great….but it should never be your only goal.

14.   Love your lover! Give her compliments, admire her beauty and affirm her intelligence! Make her the center of your evening and you are sure to have a very Happy Valentine’s Day!

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What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Posted on January 24, 2011 by Gina

In my practice I’m often asked the following question: “Does anyone have a healthy and happy relationship?” With all the stories of break-ups, separations and divorces in the media, our families and friend groups, one might wonder if there are any satisfying, long-term relationships out there.

The answer, of course, is ‘yes.’ Many couples are still wonderfully and willingly attached. Although there are no perfect unions, there are lots of relationships that are very healthy….which is why the people involved are very happy. Below is a list of some of the most important factors affecting a couple’s health and happiness.  Take a look and remember, we’re all on a journey and working to improve ourselves individually.  Our relationships take more than just a bit of effort, and by working together the rewards can be everlasting love and happiness.

1.       Each person having a healthy self-esteem

2.       Using only words of affirmation, not devaluation

3.       Mutual transparency and vulnerability

4.       Both parties are able to give and receive equally

5.       Freedom to ask each other what you want

6.       Absence of any violence or abuse

7.       Allowing and encouraging growth

8.       Equality of power within the partnership

9.       Established inter-dependence rather than co-dependence

10.   The ability to safely express feelings to each other

11.   No manipulation or attempts to control one another

12.   Comfortably experiencing times of togetherness and separateness

13.   An openness to change and explore new things together

14.   Physical, intellectual, spiritual and emotional intimacy

15.   Joyfully  accepting an exclusive commitment

How does your relationship stack up based upon these 15 factors?

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Hey Soul Sister, Be Yourself in Love

Posted on October 10, 2010 by Gina

Have you ever had a girl friend who took on a different character, personality, sport or hobby to please their new crush? Early on in a relationship we may unconsciously change or adapt to try to become our date’s perfect match. Never pretend! The person you are dating needs to get to know who you really are, along with your likes, your dislikes, your dreams and goals. If you are honest with each other, you should be able to tell fairly soon if you have enough in common to continue the journey together. Sharing similar interests seems to result in a more successful long-term relationship. But, grueling through an activity you don’t enjoy only causes resentment and bitterness. Work on being truthful and remember you can never change another person…nor should you try. Being your self in a relationship gives you the assurances that you are loved for who you REALLY are. Once you are able to relax and know that you are truly accepted, then you can agree with Train in their song “Soul Sister” when they sing, “You see, I can by myself now finally…”

LYRICS-

The way you can cut a rug,

watching you’s the only drug I need

You’re so gangsta, I’m so thug,

you’re the only one I’m dreaming of

You see, I can be myself now finally,

in fact there’s nothing I can’t be

I want the world to see you be with me

Hey soul sister,

ain’t that Mr. Mister

on the radio, stereo,

the way you move ain’t fair, you know!

Hey soul sister,

I don’t want to miss a single thing you do tonight,

Hey soul sister,

I don’t want to miss a single thing you do…tonight

Hey, hey, hey….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVpv8-5XWOI

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8 Tips for Eliminating Self-Defeating Habits

Posted on September 29, 2010 by Gina

Bad habits are easy to develop but generally make life more difficult. Good habits may be more difficult to develop, but make life easier and so much more enjoyable. Over our life time we tend to acquire some self-defeating habits. We may have been taught them from well-meaning parents. We may have learned them from watching others who modeled the behavior. They might have come to visit accidently or purposefully by way of our environment, culture, schooling, religion or even the media. No matter which method or means they entered our life, the good news is that we can say goodbye to these unwelcomed house guests once we become aware of their presence.

Below are 8 tips for eliminating several common self-defeating habits. Once you become aware, and you have a desire to change, you only need to commit.  Consistency and perseverance will allow you to take control of your destiny and make positive changes a reality for your future.

8 Tips for Eliminating Self-Defeating Habits

1.    Say “NO”. You don’t have to do EVERYTHING! Leave some opportunities for others.  We all become overwhelmed by all our daily tasks, and from time to time someone else can use their gifts and talents to fulfill the wide array of needs that are presented to you every day. Adding more to your calendar can add pressure that pushes you over the edge. It’s okay to say “No” to some things…sometimes.

2.    Edit your circle of friends. The people you place around you should be supportive and encouraging. Your friends are your cheerleaders who will help launch you forward to meet your life goals. As tough as it may be, eliminate or cut back on spending time with those who don’t support you, your wants, desires and needs.

3.    Say “YES”….to new possibilities. As you learn to say “no” more often, you will have space to explore new things you could not see before. Challenge can be uncomfortable, risky or even scary. We all fear the unknown, but new experiences stretch our sense of self, build our esteem and leave us with a greater feeling of fulfillment.

4.    Practice positive “self talk”. The messages we hear over our lifetime become internalized and run like a repetitive voice mail in our brain. If you were fortunate enough to have parents that regularly told you that you were an awesome kid you likely have a great self-esteem.  If you were dealt a different hand of cards, you might believe you are a failure, worthless or unlovable. Either way, it is time you create and practice your own affirmations of greatness. Our inner voice can be trained to be positive and optimistic. You CAN do it!  : )

5.    Understand that everyone makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect and in fact, nobody should try to be perfect. We are humans and we learn as we go and as we grow. We can only do our best according to what we know. Remember there is a reason why a pencil has an eraser.

6.    Be grateful and thankful. It sounds cliché but yes, there is always somebody worse off than us. A man once said, “I complained I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet.” Many of us have suffered financially and emotionally due to the current economic climate. However, if you are reading this…you are ALIVE! Yeah!!! Count your many blessings and remind others of theirs.

7.    Forgive yourself and others. It is true that there are horrific and terrible things that happen in our world. Much trauma that is unexplainable, undeserved and nearly unavoidable penetrates our culture. However, the human spirit is resilient.  It is important to release the past so you don’t get stuck there. Surrounding yourself with positive friends and family and finding a quality therapist will promote health and healing.

8.    Realize that you are the ONLY you. You were created unique and special. Your “being” is always more important than your “doing”.  Your well being is what counts more than your production level. Embrace who you are and stop competing and comparing yourself with other people.  You have much value….you matter!

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